Do you know if You’ve Got Mail is classified as a Christmas movie? I’m only asking because we’re past Christmas now and I’m sitting in bed typing this up watching it for the 4th time in the last 2 weeks. And even though there are all seasons in the movie they do focus a lot on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s one of my all-time favorites and for some ungodly reason I haven’t watched it in ages! I can quote almost every scene and I always talk about how much I love it but hardly watch it. That’s about to change my friends. Christmas or not I’m watching it a lot this year. Goals ha.
I didn’t get on here to tell you about my Tom Hanks obsession though. I came to tell you that it’s only the 3rd day of the year (I typed this up last night) and I’ve already royally screwed up. Oh yes. So bad in fact that I lost my temper so hard I scared my oldest child to actual tears. I’m not exaggerating either. I’m embarrassed to admit it but hey, it’s real life. I have a very short fuse when I’m stressed and yesterday morning was just one of those low moments for me.
I had a session with my trainer at the gym at 8:30am and I set my alarm for 6:00am so that I’d have plenty of time to drink coffee, eat breakfast and merrily wake the children for the day. I pictured myself quietly humming while serving perfectly cooked eggs on to my sweet kids’ plates, who of course would be dressed and ready at the table with their teeth brushed and shoe laces tied. We’d smile at one another and they’d say, “thank you for breakfast mommy!” and eat every last drop of food on their plates. We’d be ready and out the door with time to spare and begin our day on the right foot. Oh if only.
What actually happened was I ignored my alarm and woke up at 7:28am, which by the way was 34 minutes before we had to leave the house. I jumped out of bed with my hair in knots and frizzy because I fell asleep with it wet from my shower the night before. I ran to the big kids’ room and demanded they get dressed and HURRY. I ran back to my room and was jumping around trying to decide if I wanted to pee first or brush my teeth because, ew. I needed to get coffee in my system ASAP. But then I remembered that I needed to wake the baby, change her diaper and get her dressed because she still didn’t know how to do all of that herself. I got her up and then ran to the kitchen and grabbed 4 granola bars and called it breakfast.
I’ll spare you all the details but basically I got 4 kids and 1 adult ready enough to be seen in public while cooking an egg for myself in the microwave, which I don’t recommend because it tasted like one of those plastic eggs from my kids’ kitchen play set. I filled 6 water bottles, tied shoes, slapped coats on them and started the van because the weather was POURING freezing rain and 31 degrees. I live in Jacksonville, for those of you who don’t know, and the city was basically acting like we were getting 10 feet of snow. We get in the car and the kids are complaining about the weather, about how they didn’t want to wear their coats but were cold if they took them off. Riddle me that, I don’t know either.
Finally I just lost it after about the 7th time I asked them to put their seat belts on because it was now 8:05 and my gym is 17 minutes away, without traffic. I really let them have it, I saw red. And you know what? It had nothing to do with them. I lost it because I messed up and didn’t wake up on time and put all the pressure on my kids to be perfect. How unfair is that? I hate being late and I was mad at myself but took it out on them. I read somewhere something that said something along the lines of no matter what happened in your day, it’s your kid’s day too and you should be sensitive to that. But we can’t be can we? We just have to be selfish and only thinking about ourselves. At least I know I’m guilty of this more than I’d like to admit.
Remember when I said we’d have 365 days to start fresh? I could really use one of my re-dos right about now. I don’t like to think ‘hey, my kids will just forgive me, it’s okay.’ Because guess what? They do! They’re so forgiving and they just love you so much, it makes me feel even worse sometimes. They deserve better, I need to be better. So today I’m going to be better for them and I’ll use my screw-up as a learning experience and stepping stone. I guess I’m oversharing my life a little bit today because we all mess up sometimes and there are days when I really wish someone would say, me too. So here I am saying me too.